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On our recent meditation course, the topic of challenging relationships came under discussion a good few times. We’ve learnt so much from each other on this course and gained valuable insights in the purpose of relationships. This fascinating topic of relationships – all our relationships; partners, family, friends, colleagues alike – inspired my blog this month. We are all on a path of healing. So what role do our relationships play in this healing process?
The Strange Psychology of Projections
Carl Jung, the Psychologist, said that some of our unconscious issues can be so deep-seated that they become our blind spots. We still have to uncover it and in order to do so, we project our deep-seated unconscious issues out onto people around us. We then think they are the problem, because we couldn’t see it in ourselves. And so the learning begins…
We see ourselves in others, like a mirror reflection. What you see in others is who you are yourself (what you like and don’t like). Taking responsibility for our own perceptions takes self-empowerment and personal transformation to a whole new level. When we take charge of our perceptions we can change it anytime. It’s just a perception, not a truth! It’s good practice to regularly question the way we perceive people and situations. When we change our perceptions, everything and everyone around us change. And it happens quite magically.
The Strange Paradoxes of Relationships
- We grow and evolve through relationships
- We think we are in relationships to learn about others. Primarily you are in relationships to learn about yourself.
- We attract people to us according to how we are: when you see yourself as worthy of love and appreciation, those around you will act accordingly
- Our views of others is only a perception
- We tend to project our perceptions onto others
- What you see in others is who you are yourself (what you like and don’t like)
- We are always looking in a mirror
- You are in charge of your perceptions and can challenge and change them
- We can only change ourselves – we cannot change others
- When you change your perceptions, people change, and your experiences too
- Everyone around you is your teacher – helping you to learn something about yourself – especially those who press your buttons!
The Healing Power of Forgiveness
The journey of healing often involves transforming anger into acceptance and hate into love. This often involves deep forgiveness or a shift in consciousness; changing your perceptions of those testing people in your life, and those who caused you hurt. This is based on a recognition that, from a higher perspective, all is for learning and growth. From the ego’s perspective we can create conflict, blame and resentment. From the perspective of your true higher self everything happens for a reason, and ultimately it is for your highest and greatest good. Hypnotherapist Robert Schwartz describes these interactions from a pre-life planning perspective. He describes how soul groups co-plan and agree life events. How we pre-plan our growth experiences and it may include many individual agreements to meet and work with certain people in certain places at certain times. For you to learn the growth lesson you wanted to, others agreed to act out certain roles (Robert Schwartz 2012). Some of these roles may feel testing but ultimately they are acts of love as it helps you to grow and evolve. Seeing it like this, certainly makes forgiveness easier.
All the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players – William Shakespeare
“Forgiving and releasing old hurts from your system is like taking a mental and emotional bath,” said HeartMath founder Doc Childre. “To forgive, you need to dislodge your judgments,” he said, “even before you fully understand why things happened, but most people want to understand why someone ‘wronged’ them before they forgive. It’s a Catch-22 situation”.
Forgiveness is essential for your health. Research has shown how anger, resentment and hostility physically impacts on the heart as it can cause hardening arteries and heart attacks (Gill Edwards 2010). Forgiveness doesn’t condone the behaviour of a person who has hurt you, nor does it mean you cannot express how you feel or assert healthy boundaries to prevent any further wrong-doing. As Jack Kornfield (2002) reminds us, we all have been wronged and we have all caused suffering to others. No one is exempt. When we let go of the blame, compassion can enter the heart and set us free.
Forgiveness may also sometimes mean self-forgiveness. We can give ourselves a hard time through self-criticism, self-blame and unreasonable demands we place on ourselves. Love always starts with self-love. You can only extend the quantity and quality of love that you feel for yourself.
It’s best for your own healing to be at peace with everyone in your life. You don’t have to necessarily like everyone, and there will certainly be people you won’t want to spend a lot of time with and that’s alright. As long as you are at peace in your own heart for your own sake. The ancient Hunas of Hawaii knew the importance of forgiveness for healing. They achieved this through a wonderful practice that has in recent years become more mainstream in Western society, called Ho’oponopono, which means to put things right, to make peace, to let go (Ulrich E. Dupree 2012). Forgiveness restores your energy and your health and sets you free. This release can feel like a huge weight lifting as you put the past behind you peacefully.
Healing Meditation: Ho’oponopono – Cutting Connections
– an exercise in forgiveness, healing and peacemaking.
Time Line Therapy™
Sometimes relationships need deeper healing and then it’s best to get to the root cause of thing. Time Line Therapy™ is highly effective in getting to the root cause. Sometimes relational issues can go back along the generational timelines and other times it may go back to past lives. Once we’ve found the root cause, deep-seated hurt and resentment can release for good.
The book Lifting the Veils of Illusion, captures our growth process in 7 Key Steps. Informative and transformational, it contains the healing techniques applied in therapy, coaching and courses. Ultimately transformation takes us out of darkness into the light; out of ignorance into understanding; out of the ego and its struggles into the fulfilment of your true higher self.
Ongoing Personal and Spiritual Development
We are just concluding another series of the Lightworkers Activations Courses, levels 1 and 2. It is a special journey through the chakras and it is wonderful to see participants flourishing as they open up to their inner guidance and develop their finer perception – a one of a kind experience. The next series of level 1 and level 2 commence in September. All details are on the Events Calendar page – so get those dates in the diary now!
MindBodyNetwork just published interesting researched link between relationships and your health.